December 20, 2002
Stone Mountain, Georgia, USA
Hi Cory, hope all is well in your travels. Tell me something, that is of course, when you get a chance. I know what its like to be travelling and not have much email access. I am trying to find something right now. I am working on finding spirit. I know i have a lot of it in me and i definately believe there is alot of it around me. Sometimes i just have a really hard time truly connecting with it, truly believing in it, and i'm not sure why. Logically i know its there, but sometimes i cannot feel it. I have been praying alot lately, for strength and for guidance. I think that i have faith, but why then do i question it? I am feeling very confused at the moment. Don't get me wrong, i am feeling happy and all, but i feel a yearning in my soul for understanding and contentment. Does this make any sense? I'm sure most people have felt this way at some point, but how do i deal with it? I keep telling myself to keep looking forward for signs and listening to the world, but sometimes i feel blind and deaf to what it may be telling me, what i really need to see and hear. I so much have the desire, i'm not sure what it is that i'm missing. Anyway, any advice you can give me would be most helpful. Take care my friend, good luck and peace be with you.
xo -S
S.... I'm in the library of Stone Mountain middle school, near Atlanta. I came here looking for an organization that helps immigrant kids... that my friend Mary in Maryland told me about, because she worked here.
I arrived last night... climbed stone mountain, came down in the rain, then hung out in a Christian coffee house drop in center where an open mike was happening. I sat on the couch reading a book about Mother Teresa, and then an interview with Shel Silverstein in a magazine... two people now dead... but who's spirits live in the hearts and minds of many people all over the world. They made a lot of people smile--- helping them see the light.
I don't know about consciousness after death, but in my lifetime, I choose to share my consciousness... what I am aware of... what I've learned, like you do with your music-- which is a huge gift.
Spirit, as I have experienced it, is passed through loving touch, kind words, a listening ear, a smile, passionate art work... whenever you pour out your heart and soul. It is where pen meets paper, or when two pairs of eyes connect. Focus your consciousness. Be brave. It's about reflection... seeing yourself in creation... or seeing how we are all the same deep down. We all want to have recognition of our existence and to be loved.
This planet is full of beauty... but also pain and suffering. To fully appreciate beauty... you must also know pain. It will do you good to visit an old folks home or children's hospital during the holiday season to share your gift of music. You will see how fortunate you are to have youth and good health, and you'll see how your spirit is infectious, and they in return will give you so much more. Maybe one of those people has something to tell you, and it will change your perspective forever.
Last night, climbing Stone Mountain, a huge granite dome with an amazing view, I thought about how I got there. Shawna, who met me through my site, hooked me up with Tristan, who invited me to the Macy's Parade, after which I met Alessio in Central Park, who I stayed with in Maryland, and we hung out with Mary, who showed me a photo of the massive rock I was then standing on. Consciousness, awareness, openness, spirit, love, sharing, oneness. You are a part of all that is... darkness and light. Why...? My friends that form a band called The Great Balancing Act say in a song: "What are we here for? We are all here to help the earth grow."
That's what I've learned about spirit. Hope it helps.
I slept in my car last night behind the GMAAC(immigrant organization) office, and woke to find it closed for the holidays. Across the street, I entered this middle school seeking a teacher who knew about GMAAC programs. I wasn't sure what I was looking for... I'm just totally open to anything. Minutes later I was hooked up with Mrs. Wallace, who teaches English to a class of students from all over the world, and I was sitting in a circle with the students as they introduced themselves to me, then I told them about my and my trip. I then helped Mrs. Wallace give them a written exam. Now I'm here. Amazing what happens when you are open.
I love you.
-C
PS... Mrs. Wallace just came in with watery eyes asking me to speak with Edwin, a child who started to cry when sharing himself with me in class... when he was saying how his father doesn't spend time with him. Edwin reasoned that "he just likes to spend time alone, I guess."
But it was obvious that he was hurting a lot. I told him that we are all family, and that there are many people who would like to spend time him, but maybe he just has not met them yet.
So now he is going to walk in here any minute, and we'll go outside for I walk, if they will let me take him out. This is the work I want to do. This is my purpose. Its not about paychecks; its about love-- just like the Jonny Cash song that you sang for me... "You can't hold it in your hands, its stronger than the wind that blows across the land... and it can bring the biggest man to his knees..." ...or something like that. While reading about Mother Teresa... the Beatles song came on... "All you need is love." A sign...? I walked in this Library today and the first book I see sitting alone on top a computer scanner -- "Mother Teresa: Saint of the poor." What's up?
Mrs. Willace couldn't find him yet, so she is putting out search. She just asked me to help her doing odds jobs tonight ... and said she'd pay $10 an hour. This is so funny. I'm smiling. When on the right path... it's obvious... all the signs are there.
Tomorrow I'm gonna try to do my show at the prison near where she lives. Yahoo!
Keep searching... You'll know when "it" feels good. "It" is not hard. Do good stuff for yourself and others... and you'll find it... whatever "it" is!
Poems by Shel Silverstein:
The Land of Happy
Have you been to The Land of Happy,
Where everyone is happy all day,
Where they joke and sing
Of the happiest things,
And everything's jolly and gay?
There's no one unhappy in Happy,
There's laughter and smiles galore.
I have been to The Land of Happy--
What a Bore!
Woulda - Coulda - Shoulda
All the woulda-coulda shouldas
Layin' in the sun,
Talkin' 'bout the things
They woulda-coulda-shoulda done...
But those wouldda-coulda-shouldas
All ran away and hid
From one little did.
