September 27, 2002
Saint John, New Brunswick, Canada

"The virtue of the candle lies not in the wax that leaves its trace, but in its light."
- Antoine de Saint-Exupery, The Wisdom of the Sands.

12:47am I've had a wicked week. The Common Ground Fair in Unity, Maine rocked. A main stage act canceled, so my show took it's place and hundreds of people were there to see. I projected onto a 12 foot screen on stage from the top of my Spaceship and everyone sat on the grass around it or chilled on the amphitheater mound behind. I fired it up just after sunset as a full moon rose overhead. It was very well received with lots of laughs and clapping. Even though I was only given free food for the weekend and Common Ground Volunteer T-shirt, it was totally rewarding. Folks came up after with congrats and contacts for more gigs. I don't mind doing shows for free; it's good karma and I never know where they could lead.

After the show, Danielle gave me birthday cup cakes and gifts; among which were the books Mutant Message Down Under, by Marlo Morgan, and Letters from the Field, by Margaret Mead, as well as a polarized lens like one I had recently lost. What a sweet heart. We have fun.

The fair was filled with info booths, lectures and inspiring art demos. I attended talks on edible wild plants, "Meeting Your spirit Guide", history on why marijuana is illegal, and a spirited discussion on anarchy ...during which a lady stated that "In order for anarchy to work there has to be education and a spiritual connection." We were told that South Africa was the first country to pass prohibition on herb because it caused blacks to look whites in the eye, laugh at them and step on their shadow. It will like be legal soon in Canada. The senate stated recently that the law does not reflect reality. It's also a very valuable cash crop. Dr. Andrew Weil says that hemp is the only plant that provides food, fiber, fuel and medicine. I also learned about the Time Dollar Network and Bush's budget for 2003 that gives 53% to military, 9% education, 6% health, 4% natural resources and environment, and 2% community development.

Monday and Tuesday I had fun chillin' in Portland with Danielle, Even and Todd. Unfortunately, I found out that the huge cargo net hammock I left at Rippleffect got thrown in the dumpster by Portland Yacht Services because they left it on the dock. Wednesday I took cruise ship passengers on a kayak tour, then climbed with Tom up Strata Factor Direct and Granite Planet, our classic two pitch 5.11 sport routes. Warm on the raidianting sunbaked stone, we smiled a lot, cheered each other through tough sections, hooted when we got to the top, then sat on the granite throne sinlently thinking peaceful thoughts and watching vultures soar on up drafts, not moving, as if suspended on a string.

Yesterday I did a show in Norton at the Portage youth drug rehab and the feed back was amazing. It was a dream come true; the prefect audience for my message; they have unlimited potential, all they need to do is believe in themselves and focus their energy. Pamela, one of the girls at Portage, gave me this poem she wrote:

Don't Quit

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And when you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is queer with it's twists and turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out.

Don't give up though the pace seems slow-
You may succeed with another blow.
Success is failure turned inside out-
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you can never tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far.
So stick to the fight when you are hardest hit-
It's when things seems worst that you must not quit.

Last night I watched some of the new Survivor, and again it was the same old junk food TV: beautiful people in a spectacular landscape focused on petty negativity. Two female team members paddled a canoe to an island to get water, and the older of the two had a tough time paddling. The other lady, Helen, got frustrated and said later, "If I would have had a pistol I would have shot her first, shot me second. That's why I don't carry a gun." Another contestant said, "There's so few happy moments here; we're fighting against nature; we're fighting against each other." I find these conflicts disturbing. I'd rather see more of how they survive fishing and foraging, and how they work together. I understand it's a game show, but it annoys me that the whole show glorifies selfish cut-throat capitalism.

Imagine a prime time reality program featuring teams of action heroes that go into third world villages to help grow gardens, build better living quarters, set up solar electricity and methods for water conservation, so that the objective is to build a completely sustainable community. Each night they'd gather around the campfire to share uplifting stories and music, and through it all they inspire and educate, so that the viewers would be empowered to do the same where they live. You've heard of Food Not Bombs? How about Bonfires Not Boob-Tubes!

If you have time to chatter
Read Books
If you have time to read
Walk into Mountain, desert and ocean
If you have time to walk
Sing songs and dance
If you have time to dance
Sit quietly, you Happy Lucky Idiot

-Nanao Sakaki, Break the Mirror

Over and over again I hear Bush say "America will win" in a war with Iraq. No body wins in war. Everyone loses. Here in Canada there is a growing backlash to this warmongering. Many people at the Common Ground Fair and Falcon Ridge Folk Festival also openly objected to America's war machine. So want is really going on? Is Bush just trying to replace Saddam with puppet he can control, as the US has done so many times before in countries all over the world?

VICTORY OF THE LOUD LITTLE HANDFUL

The loud little handful - as usual - will shout for the war. The pulpit will - warily and cautiously - object... at first. The great, big, dull bulk of the nation will rub its sleepy eyes and try to make out why there should be a war, and will say, earnestly and indignantly, "It is unjust and dishonorable, and there is no necessity for it."

Then the handful will shout louder. A few fair men on the other side will argue and reason against the war with speech and pen, and at first will have a hearing and be applauded, but it will not last long; those others will outshout them, and presently the antiwar audiences will thin out and lose popularity.

Before long, you will see this curious thing: the speakers stoned from the platform, and free speech strangled by hordes of furious men...Next the statesmen will invent cheap lies, putting the blame upon the nation that is attacked, and every man will be glad of those conscience-soothing falsities, and will diligently study them, and refuse to examine any refutations of them.

Thus he will by and by convince himself that the war is just, and will thank God for the better sleep he enjoys after this process of grotesque self-deception.

-Mark Twain, "The Mysterious Stranger" (1910)

9:17pm A web page that is always changing, uncensored, uncut. I gotta get my act together. It's all about having the means to fulfill the dreams. A web page that is simply letters to the editor, but there is no editor. Where do you get your news? How do you know it's true? They switch from one topic to another in sound bites and weave a story together. People don't care if it's true. Lots of people buy People magazine and watch Entertainment Tonight to learn silly gossip about the most beautiful movie stars. We live vicariously through football and hockey players with ferocious loyalty. "Leafs fan till I die!" What difference does it make? You know none of the players personally, so what is the difference from one to another. Of course you are going to enjoy watching an athlete who plays good, who entertaining. Some folks are really obsessed with sports. It's war. My team against yours... it's an illusion. We are playing with ourselves... in our head... trying to be happy. Make me laugh. Entertain me.

I could drive through a city projecting on to buildings... free shows everywhere... spreading beautiful images of what could be.

I'm afraid of being tracked. I don't want people to know where I am. If I am doing a good job as a journalist there are going to be some people who will want t kill me because I am costing them money. I hope to shut down more than a few people; yes costing them jobs. "Give us work!" say the workers to "the government". Everything breaks down to the natural resources and environment. Don't look after that… you aint got nothing. Don't go back to edit. This is an unedited version. Raw materials. If we can’t go outside cuz it's too hot, and you'll get burned and choke cuz air stinks-- living under a pulp mill, an oil refinery, a coal burning plant. My parents and Tom's Parents are established. This is a caption of my thoughts.

"Do you edit your thoughts? You can ask people that." said Tom over my shoulder just now as I read to him the above stream of thoughts.

12:35am. A white car I didn't recognize just pulled into the driveway, and I thought it strange being half past mid-night. A short chubby man got out. " It must be Francis delivering goat milk on his way to work," I thought. Headed for the back door, he stopped and looked into the office where I am sitting writing at the computer. It wasn't Francis. The man looked like Rodney Dangerfield, with bug eyes, thinning gray hair and crooked funny mouth. "Do you know where Driftwood Lane is?" he asked, but I couldn't give directions clearly through the window, so I met him at the door. He wasn't too swift in following what I said although it was quit simple. As he walked away I had a suspicious feeling.

Rarely do I fear for my safety or the well being of this house. I think I'm a little tweaked from the suspense thriller, Domestic Disturbance, I just watched with Tom and Max(Tom's boarder from China studying at UNB). The violent scenes bothered me. I don't enjoy them. I don't want to see people in pain. I really just starting to understand how obsessed humans are with violence and the drama of conflict.