Jan 7th. 2000
Saint John, New Brunswick, Canada

It’s 4:11am. My head hurts. I’m tired. I need a break. In a month, I intend be back in Mazatlan, Mexico, packing my kayak to paddle to Nicaragua.

I didn’t paddle far in 1999. Just didn’t feel like it. I wasn’t ready. I went on a spiritual journey instead. I studied a variety of paths: Taoism, Buddhism, Hinduism, Lakota Sioux, Christianity, Bahai and others. I want to share with you what I learned, because I wish someone would have made these things clearer to me earlier.

I learned that I’m not a puppet. ’God’ is love and every day, a thousand times, each of us chooses whether or not to live with love in our hearts -to be compassionate and understanding- to act as our God-self. Here on earth, we choose whether we live in heaven or hell.

Every individual has their own religion. Labels only create division. Ceremonies are ceremonies. They help guide us. They are all man-made. One is no better than another.

I’ve heard that if life on earth were a 12 hour clock, humans have only been around 3 seconds. Racism is stupid - clearly a sign of weakness. Most humans are horribly arrogant. We are no greater than any other animal. We part of the whole. A spoke in the wheel of life. If our short-sighted selfishness continues to destroy the oceans and atmoshpere-- we may become extinct, and take many other animals with us, but still other life forms will live on and thrive, and be glad that we are gone.

I’ve found God in the strangest spots- in the ocean and on mountain tops. Fear is an illusion. Living in fear is living in the darkness. Faith is doing what you want to do - the belief that you can do what your heart desires. You can’t fail if you don’t quit. If you want to learn a lot- go where you know nothing. If you want to become strong- go where you are weak.

I’ve discovered that I choose to feel the way I do and so does everyone else. I’m not afraid to let others know who I am. I’m not afraid to be wrong. I’ll get over it. As Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young sing: "Don’t let the past remind you of what you are not now. " The future is wide open.

I tell my parents almost everything. I am the result of their love for each other. It is important for them to know me. Tonight, mom was reading my journal entry about why I enjoy marijuana and why I believe it should be legal-- just the same as drinking wine. Life is a smorgasbord. Moderation is the key. I think it is great to open. I want to set an example of openness. Children and parents need to communicate openly to work out the problems.

And just so you know, I’m totally straight at this time. This email is going out to a thousand people. It’s fun to write like this -- like I’m just sending a message to close friend. We’ll all friends here, right!

My hair is not so straight anymore. It’s wild with curls - the longest it has ever been. I had curls when I was little, then it straightened out when I went into my army stage. How interesting? I had a full beard for a couple months, but just shaved it.

It’s 5:42am. I’ve gotten my second wind. I’m spin’n the Miseducation of Lauryn Hill - bring’n back memories of the palapa days on Isla de la Piedra. "It’s all good" --that was my undoing. Thanx guys! I love you.

Four years ago, I sat in this same chair, here in the office in my parent’s home, thinking, formulating thoughts, watching the curser blink, blink, blinking, as the minutes, hours, and weeks ticked away, drawing me closer to the ultimate unknown -- the moment of my last breath and what comes next. With action, intentions became words, committing me to becoming the person I am today. I’m still just a punk, not much different. I decided I became a man this past summer. I told my folks I’m not going to borrow any more money from them. This evening, Dad asked me what I wanted to do with my Visa bill for $260, due today.

I’m putting on a slide show tomorrow night, the 8th, @ 8pm, @ Church of the Good Shepherd, on the west side of Saint John, next to Barnhill and St. Rose schools. All welcome. I’m showing the slides from Baja, Mexico and the Big Bend, Texas. Hopefully I’ll make some loot and inspire a few.

I spent all evening scanning slides at the KV computer access center. They let me work there at no cost. This journey would be impossible without help from good folks like that. I’m so blessed. I have not been up-dating the site regularly(for good reason), so I’ve only gotten a few cash donations over the past year. I’m beyond broke.

I’m offering large prints(8X10 approx.) of a few of my favorite shots( http://www.solomax.com/prints_list.html ) for $20 donations. I’ll also send the donor a card from some place interesting-- El Salvador, Nicaragua or maybe, Belize. Everyone loves getting mail with foreign postage.

I actually do have a good plan. With my partner, Samantha, I am in the process of building a scholarship foundation. The SAMAX(Spiritual Adventure and Motivational Academic eXperience) Scholarship will offer four grants of $5000 each year to students, ages 17-20, with the best planned and prepared mission of discovery. There will be a $30 application fee, and I expect lots of applications, so we’ll see what happens. I’m setting it up as a registered charity, so I’ll be able to give out tax receipts for donations. Getting all that legal costs bucks too, so I don’t know how soon it will be.

It’s now 7am. I need shut eye. I’ll be adding new journals to the site regularly from now on. Basically, it’s like I’m publishing a book a page at a time. I have a dozen note books of journal that still need to be transcribed and edited, so that will be my biggest job over the next month.

I enjoy hearing from folks who read my thoughts, so don’t be shy; let me hear yours.

And... I just gotta say thanx to a few folks who have helped me out BIG TIME over the past two and half years. Many people made my life easier and gave me love -and you know who you are- but I’d be an ass not to especially note the contribution of Michael and Ruth Mulligan, Samantha Stephens, Anne Sigrid Hveem and Richard, Jill Wolfe and Capt.Jeff, Jerry Pond, Marco Shaw, Randy Meitzen, Diane Bradshaw, Markus Boesch, Marni Reed and Warren Martin, Len and Madeline Goodman, Bob Tellefson, Randie Leigh Wann, John Dixon, Patrick Combs, Riley Wyna, Fred and Linda Gillam, Kenneth Irving, John Mehren, Moreen Desmond, Bill Swewart, Calvin and Virginia Mitchell, Kendra Black, Mark Mollet, Mike White, Ken Manshardt, Al Sorkin, Faye Hebert and family, Eunice Roth, Lynn McLellan, Seaward Kayaks, Don Karn(Shaklee Corporation), George Lariviere(Northern Airbone), Big Bend River Tours, Desert Sports, Stratos Global Corp., Werner Paddles, Irving oil Ltd, and Mum & Dad.

Just be you.

Live your dreams... or die trying!

Love,

MAX